That College Business

I honestly have no idea what to think about my college experience so far. It’s kind of like I love it and I hate it at the same time, you know? I mean, it’s everything I thought it was going to be, from the good and the bad perspectives. But for right now, I’d like to focus on one from each category.

First off is the sense of independence. This is really great for me because all my life, I’ve been looking for an opportunity to prove that I can take care of myself, all by myself. And this is precisely what the doctor ordered. More than that, I’m just glad to be away from the stuffy and uncomfortable environment of my home. I no longer have to be stuck under the same roof as a house full of irritable and insensitive assholes. That’s very nice. So yeah, I have been enjoying all the time to myself.

But then there’s the almost unbearable loneliness I’m feeling. Now, I know I just spent an entire paragraph explaining how much I love being on my own. But you have to understand the difference between being on your own, and being totally alone in an area you aren’t savy with in the first place. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not some Franz Kafka, sitting alone suffering. Not at all. I’ve made friends and am being reasonably sociable. It’s just that I don’t have any deep-rooted relationships yet. While it’s not like I was expecting to or anything, I just didn’t realize how much not having anybody to count on could suck. Hell, I don’t even have a roommate, which in theory that sounds cool, and at times it is nice to have some privacy. But there’s nobody around for me to just shoot the shit with. Although it is preferable to the company I shared my previous lodgings with, so there’s that.

Well, it would appear that I have some conflicting feelings to contend with. I s’pose I’ll just have to wait it out to see which one of the two aforementioned emotions I wind up indulging in. Le sigh.